ok, it was really hectic!
let me confess something here but please do not spread it out or what
its just for people who reads my blog and the message just stops here and between you and me
I really didnt want to do that sharing at all, the speech that I made in YZ today
this is because, i hate to share, nothing much to share, i was afraid that no one will listen to me and i will end up making a fool out of myself, and this week has been busy for me and that i need to crack my brain to think of what to write or preach, it just turns my mind off
everyday coming back home, i just turn on my com and sigh, why do i have to prepare this speech, like seriously? why wasnt i given a choice to reject?
I HATE THIS!
probably its my character that spoils it all, being stubborn, was whining even blaming the pastor in my heart
this week, was preparing speech which i dont even want to do it at all (imagine, doing something which you hate, how contradicting?!), preparing YAM bs which demoralised me so much and making me feel inferior for not knowing how to answer all questions, preparing YZ bs which stressed me out when i could not concentrate in doing it as my mind was over-flooded by the thoughts of my sharing in YZ
it suck!
i broke down immediately!
came back home late as attended to a birthday party, tried finishing the YZ bs
oh gosh, nothing came into my mind, no wisdom, no God's word
i feel that i was being stranded away from the holy world, a world without God, a world that God has abandoned me
NO! THIS IS NOT ME! THIS WILL NEVER BE ME!
sigh, i tried again, cant write anything, cant teach anything alr
i was so frustrated, all becos of that speech! i gave up, started to break down and thinking where am i going to be in this world, where is my God?
slept at 411am, woke up at 709am
what a way to start my sunday, and i didnt feel tired at all
went to church with an empty spirit! it sucks, it really sucks!
to be honest, didnt really listen well to sermon, still distracted by the speech and YZ bs thing
kept praying, to do this for God's glory instead of doing it for men
it sucks, but the changing of intention did helped a little
could not control emotions during praise and worship when the "Power of Your love" played, gosh, i really need a renewal of a holy soul, i need to draw close to God
prayed with tears and let loose myself to let God help me and keep my cool
went to have a little chat with joey and she told me to jiayou!
grace was asking "sophia, you doing sharing right? jiayou ok?"
wencong "aiyah, if you not sure, just hurry mumble and talk faster!"
cyrus "aiyah, the angle of looking at them is very important, therefore, we need them to sit on chairs, you can one la"
pastor edwin " aiyah can one la, easy one " (oh please, you were the one who assigned me can?)
liqun "sophia, JIAYOU!"
thank you guys, i know it was just a small encouragement but to me, it really meant alot
Thank you Valencia for printing it out for me, will never forget your kindness
Thank you Wilson for listening out to me and Melody for the sms encouragement, you good! hehe :P
thank you elizabeth and michelle for cheering me on also
I cooperated well after cyrus passed me the microphone
shared and left leg was shaking vigorously HAHAHAH no la, not that serious but i managed to overcome stage fright and i dont mind standing there talking again but NO SPEECH PLEASE!
i remembered i first started off by saying "Hi YZers, do you all know who am i?"
well expected with their honest answers, some yes, some no, thank you and finally you all know that my name is Sophia, the girl who went to china -.-
as i finished off my speech and prayer, cyrus passed by me with a quick whisper "I didnt know your sharing was so well-composed!" omg are you serious? well, i am glad that its finally over you know
i have people coming to me saying that my sharing was very good! was very clear, very well said :)
YZ bs (the second obstacle) : i was so glad that my girls did their bs homework and one of their answers was so brilliant that i told everyone to write it down :)
told michelle to lead the last part as that was the part i could not concentrate teaching on and yeah
Thank God that at least michelle and i managed to bring His word across hehe
going to have DGL meeting soon, and before that, a guy named Jasper approached me to ask me if i would like to lead worship for YAM
WOAH, WHAT A WOAH! all my things are over, fears and worries are gone and now a surprise?
gosh! KARMA again for the second time!
first time was pastor kien seng approaching me to be a dgl during ritz carlton as i was serving Tony Tan
and now after sharing / speech , Jasper came to tell me that i was being recommended to lead worship for YAM
Thank God for everything, i feel grateful :)
Let me start anew with You :)
Amen.
Keep it up Sophia :)
(haha i chose this funny photo of me, taken in Beijing!)
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